In the lives of children...

In the lives of children, pumpkins can turn into coaches, mice and rats into human beings. When we grow up, we learn that its far more common for human beings to turn into rats.
-Gregory Maguire, Confessions of an Ugly Stepsister, x

I was thrown out...

I was thrown out of N.Y.U. my freshman year for cheating on my metaphysics final, you know. I looked within the soul of the boy sitting next to me. When I was thrown out, my mother, who was an emotionally high-strung woman, locked herself in the bathroom and took an overdose of Mah-Jongg tiles. I was depressed at that time. I was in analysis. I was suicidal as a matter of fact and would have killed myself, but I was in analysis with a strict Freudian, and, if you kill yourself, they make you pay for the sessions you miss.

-Woody Allen, Annie Hall, 1977

Like a shark.

A relationship, I think, is like a shark. You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies. And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark. -Woody Allen, Annie Hall, 1977

Annie, there's a big lobster...

Annie, there's a big lobster behind the refrigerator. I can't get it out. This thing's heavy. Maybe if I put a little dish of butter sauce here with a nutcracker, it will run out the other side.
-Woody Allen, Annie Hall, 1977

And it's all over much too quickly...

There's an old joke - um... two elderly women are at a Catskill mountain resort, and one of 'em says, "Boy, the food at this place is really terrible." The other one says, "Yeah, I know; and such small portions." Well, that's essentially how I feel about life - full of loneliness, and misery, and suffering, and unhappiness, and it's all over much too quickly. The... the other important joke, for me, is one that's usually attributed to Groucho Marx; but, I think it appears originally in Freud's "Wit and Its Relation to the Unconscious," and it goes like this - I'm paraphrasing - um, "I would never want to belong to any club that would have someone like me for a member." That's the key joke of my adult life, in terms of my relationships with women.

-Woody Allen, Annie Hall, 1977

Most of us would be mostly forgotten.

Some people would never forget certain people, a few would remember everyone, and most of us would mostly be forgotten. Sometimes it was for the best…But did anybody want to be forgotten about completely? We had dedicated years making names for ourselves, we had to beliee in our hearts that each one of us was memorable. And yet who wanted to be remembered for their poor taste or bad breath? Still, better to be remembered for those things than forgotten for your perfect par-boiled blandness.
-Joshua Ferris, Then We Came to the End, 368

Conformity

To conform is to lose your soul.
-Joshua Ferris, Then We Came to the End, 343

A System of Selfishness

I content myself with the fact that our general system of trade is a system of selfishness, is not dictated by the high sentiments of human nature, much less by the sentiments of love and heroism, but is a system of distrust, not of giving but of taking advantage.
-Joshua Ferris, Then We Came to the End, 323

Polishing Turds

All over America, in fact, people were up and out of their beds today in a continuing effort to polish turds. Sure, for the sake of survival, but more immediately, for the sake of some sadistic manager or shit-brained client whose small imagination and numbingly dumb ideas were bleaching the world of all relevancy and hope. And meanwhile, that mad-bearded fellow there with his crossed legs could hardly life his grease-caked hands to make it a little easier for someone to flip him a quarter.
-Joshua Ferris, Then We Came to the End, 237

All broken hearts are circumstantial.

…all broken hearts are circumstantial. Every lovelorn jerk is the victim of bad timing, good intentions and someone else’s poor decision making.
Joshua Ferris, Then We Came to the End, 226

Technology would never advance...

Technology would never advance past primal fear. It would never trump human instinct.

Joshua Ferris, Then We Came to the End, 213

Generations that had never seen war.

We had the great misfortune and shortcomings of character that marked every generation that had never seen war.
Joshua Ferris, Then We Came to the End, 70

Wasting wasted time.

We told him to get on with it. We liked wasting time, but almost nothing was more annoying than having our wasted time wasted on something not worth wasting it on.
- Joshua Ferris, Then We Came to the End, 53

let's not lose sight of the nobler manifestations of man...

I’m only trying to suggest that as we find ourselves in this particularly unfortunate misconstrued, ungodly juncture of civilization, let’s not lose sight of the nobler manifestations of man and of the greater half of his character, which consists not of taglines and bottom lines but of love, heroism, reciprocity, ecstasy, kindness and truth. What a bloated bunch of horseshit, you will say. And good for you. I welcome you to shoot me up close in the head.
- Joshua Ferris, Then We Came to the End, 39

How far we have removed ourselves from nature...

What I’m trying to get at here is that I’m not sure any of us knows just how far we have removed ourselves not only from nature but from the natural conditions of life that have prevailed for centuries and have forced men to the extreme limits of their physical capacity in order simply to feed, clothe, and otherwise provide for their families, sending them every night to a sweet, exhausted, restorative, unstirred, deserved sleep such as we will never know again.
- Joshua Ferris, Then We Came to the End, 38